Its been a while and I feel the need to talk to someone without actually having to depend upon a person to listen….
Some days I wonder why I try, others I see the good that I do to enrich the lives of others. What about my life being enriched though? How do you pour months of your life into another person’s only for them to be blase about it? To lift them up onto the mountain top of life for you to only to fall down the cliffs when they make it there? Where is that hand to pull you up with them?
Don’t get me wrong I’ve learned a lot in the past few months. Some things I have learned before, but had to be re-taught for an apparent significant reason. Is it so hard to return a text or phone call, to just ask if a person is okay? But when you wear your heart on your sleeve for all the world to see you’re going to get hurt. That is a lesson in life that I will probably never fully learn completely, or one that I just have to keep learning repeatedly.
I have experienced things these past few months that I will never forget. I have seen true love. I have watched as life ebbed from a spirited being only to leave this world and transcend to another. I have protected my own no matter what danger lain in wait for me in the dark. I have proven myself braver than I ever thought I would be again. Learned a sense of self that towers over all that transcends time. I truly lived up to the saying “cowgirl up”.
What does it all mean though when it’s over? Who do you talk to that will understand? When your “person” is no longer around who do you turn to? When the one thing that brings you solace is unattainable how do you move on? When the joy in your life is no longer there, from whence you do find it again?
I once read that a broken heart is where beautiful things grow. Once a heart is broken enough though does it truly continue to create beautiful things?
Like I said I learned a lot but most importantly: Apparently kisses really aren’t contracts, words spoken in love don’t matter in the end, tears are for more than your pillow and cowgirls really do cry!